Lo que hay

( Abismo y gloria )

Tengo ganas de quebrar este momento de mi vida, celebrar la novedad de algo - un suicidio sin razón.  Lo que me apetece es el terror del momento, la vida en la mano que no puede escapar, no puede ablandarse en algo menos importante.  No quiero suicidarme, claro, sólo tener la emoción fuerte, la vida.  Qué es el porque de tener vida más fuerte en el momento de perderla?  Me entierra la apatía, la falta de pasión que me envuelta.  Estoy en mi sepulcro, ya me quedo baja las tierras vivas.

I saw a gal in the car behind me skid off the road and slam into the side of a hill this morning.  She caroomed off and managed to straighten back out - wasn't hurt.  She said she'd fallen asleep, and thanked me for stopping.  I didn't tell her I stopped because I thought she was drunk and was trying to get out of the way.  I followed her up through the valley, just in case her car broke down or something.  It did look like she was trailing something under it.

I did a reading this morning to welcome in June.  ( June )

My car won't be well again until Monday, at least.  It's got a recall out for the fuel line, and they have to order parts for it.  A recall?  For a faulty fuel line?  And I've been driving it for four months.  I'm really starting not to like the bumblebee.  The lemon laws might be something we need to look into.  Hey, it's the right color for it.

Ace of Wands - oh yeah, doesn't that just fit.

I'm continuing to be impressed by Adkins' account of Trafalgar.  I don't know enough of the history to be able to spot errors or inaccuracies, but he certainly conveys a sense of compentence in dealing with his subject and his writing is excellent.  His portrayal of the battle carnage was vivid, his explanations of tactics and ship terminology easy to follow and well-integrated.  I'm greatly impressed with his ability to take a complicated, chaotic situation and separate it into several distinct threads, recounting what happened and relating it to the surrounding events without losing me or forcing me to continually flip back and forth to keep track of what he's talking about.  A minor example: he devotes a chapter to the messengers racing to take news of the battle to England (keeping it mildly suspenseful, which was amusing).  Midway through the chase, one of the messengers passes through Dartmoor.  Adkins uses the opportunity to comment on the building of Dartmoor prison to house all the French prisoners, the custom of parole for officers, and then brings up the specific example of a lieutenant from the Redoutable, whose accounts were utilized to help describe the battle and with whom the reader is already familiar.  The lieutenant's comments on a pretty English girl offering to help him escape - if he will marry her - are fun.  Then, Adkins goes smoothly back to the journey of Lapenotiere to London.  Very neatly done.

I've also looked through his selected reading section and been pleased - lots of interesting suggestions on what to read next.

Yesterday there were three vultures perched on our fenceposts, huge birds.  I thought one was a chicken at first, it had that hunkered down and nesting look to it, then I got up to see what it was and spotted the others.  They hung out for awhile, doing the totem-pole act - wings spread out, heads up, crowning the top of the posts.  I tried to take a picture, but before I could get close enough they spooked.

Doing OK without SH and at least I'm staying off sugar and soda.  Although I decided to go get some several times yesterday, I never actually did it.  Three cheers for being too damn lazy to drive.  On the other hand, I ate some Fritos and bean dip, not good for a diet.  Overall, though, I'm glad I didn't just fall apart and sink into a mire of depression.

Ace of Coins
Solid reality.  Material force.  Practicality and trust.  Keeping it real.

Now I just need to get going, eat breakfast, and make today worth something.

(170.5)