Friends

Hey DJ,

I am probably being completely unreasonable here.  But, if you're awake, I see no reason why you can't, you know, check your phone.  Especially since the last thing I said to you was "I'm locked out".

I know I'm unusually wedded to my phone.  If I hear it ring, I'll respond quickly, and I'll usually hear it ring because I keep it by my computer while I'm working.  I fail to see why other people can't respond properly.

I am mostly annoyed because I think this indicates that I'm more into you than you are me.  I hate that, especially since this started with you gazing at me for hours on end.  I want to keep my mystery, but I can't seem to help checking my phone all the time.

Fucks sake.  I hate myself like this.

I'm not responding to any texts until noon tomorrow.  I shall be busy.

Dear V,

I don't care if you are pissed off at me for saying what I said yesterday. You deserved it. I know I am a mere employee and you the boss but if you are ticked off then maybe you should have thought about it.

As I said, I don't mind that you hired that girl, I really don't. But giving her my Wednesday 's hour of teaching without informing me is just plain wrong. I had an operation and couldn't do the dancing activities so we said I was going to get replaced until after Christmas. But tell me... Wasn't I the one who skipped all my sickness leave and got back to regular teaching 2 days after I got out from the hospital? Didn't I resume perfectly my other 11 hours of teaching? It was just that one hour!

Now if I recall things accurately, which I do, when C. last year dumped us in the middle of the year because she found a much better job, I was the one you asked to work more hours because the institute was new and we couldn't cancel her classes. And I did! And believe me I had to sacrifice things I did for this. But you never, ever thought of this didn't you?

You know it isn't the fact that you gave that hour that hurt my feelings. Nor the wage drop which is a result of this. What really hurt my feelings is that you gave her the class without informing me. Do you know how humiliating it feels to have someone storm in your classroom and asking you for the teacher's books and you, not knowing anything? For effin's sake why couldn't you give me a week's notice? Saying you forgot to inform me does not make me feel any better. It makes me feel worse.

So you know... Revenge is a dish served cold. I am going to do my job, because kids don't deserve paying for this. And God be my witness, I am going to do such a good job they will all pass their exams. And once they do, I am free. I am not going to work for you next year.

Thanks for the appreciation

K.

Henry my dear,

A long time ago I was a girl who won your heart. I would not forget how that unfriendly silence had made me fallen for you. How we talked in whispers and the romantic silent interaction between us.

But now, where was the love that you used to stab into my heart? Yes, now you have torn my heart in pieces. Who am I now for you, compared to the last time when you stared at me so meaningfully as if you didn't want to let me go? How could you be so blind when I reappeared as prettiest as possible? I bet you'll regret because you just losing a chance you never have, and I won't insist in approaching you again afterward.

Thank you for ever made my days different that they were so beautiful, despise the disappointment you gave me. I would make all the affections that used to be existed between us as an inspiration. Indeed, you are a story written definitely forever in my mind, Henry.

Your secret crush,
Nina

Dear life in general

Remember that time when you thought about other things?  I mean yes, the ED was always there telling you how fat and awful you were, but you thought and cared about other things as well.  Family, friends for example.  Now all i think about is the ED, i dont think about family, friends, the other things that make up life, i dont care about them, all i think about is my ED.  I couldnt care less about anything else and I hate that I dont hate this fact.

Please change life.

from H the selfish bitch crying on the floor wishing for something else
Xxx

I never, ever hated you. Ever.

The weeks I started drifting away, then completely disappeared, then talked to you again and told you to never talk to me again and to leave me alone,

I didn't mean any of it. I wasn't ashamed of you, you didn't do anything wrong, I wasn't weird about dating another girl or anything like that.

I had a serious drug addiction that I didn't tell ANYONE about. Not you, not my friends or family, no one knew until the very end. I started abusing those weeks when I would tell you I'm just busy with work and moving in, when in reality I moved to a shitty apartment because my mom kicked me out and I had no job and all the money I had was wasted on vodka and cocaine. I did get accepted to school, but they revoked my scholarship because I never went to admissions or called them. Then I just disappeared off the planet to everyone, until I got sick and had to go to the hospital and then to rehab.

Even though I'm out now, I'm afraid to face you. I want to see you in person, or just talk to you. But I'm sure you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore.

I hope you stay on my MSN list and don't change your email or anything, because every day I build up a little more courage to go on and tell you everything.

To be honest I'm still in love with you, and probably always will be. I can't forget about you, not ever.

No matter what either of us do, you'll always be the one that has my heart.

Take care of it.


Love,

Emily

"It's my pleasure," Klaus said. As I'm sure you know, when people say "It's my pleasure," they usually mean something along the lines of, "There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less." (The Penultimate Peril)

( +++ )

If you are reading this, then you exists...

Back cover of Sabine's Notebook by Nick Banton

♥ Bloody fucking dog pig black-livered bastard from hell. I hope his face gets put on a porcupine.

♥ Particularly enjoyed, at time, priest-turned-shagging-fuckwit story. Is always so enjoyable when other people behave badly. Feel, however, that founders of support group for victims of shagging priest (because "women who have relationships with priests have no one to turn to") are being rather partisan. What about others who have no one to turn to? Should surely also be support groups for women who have been victims of shagging Tory ministers, members of British national sporting teams who have slept with members of the Royal family, Romans Catholics clergy who have slept with celebrities or members of the Royal family, and celebrities who have slept with members of the public who have confessed their story to members of the Roman Catholic clergy who have then sold the story to the Sunday papers.

♥ "The worst you and Shaz could be accused of was breathtaking stupidity," he said. "You did very well in jail, I heard."

♥ If only could be like Mum and just have confidence in self and not worry what anyone else is thinking, but that is very hard when you know that someone else is thinking about you. They're thinking about how to kill you.

♥ 138 lbs, alcohol units 6, cigarettes 45, calories 5,732, chocolate tree decorations 132, cards sent - Oh, God, hell, beelzebub and all his subpoltergeists.

♥ Harry Christmas to my dearest, dearest Ken. I have so appreciated all your kindness this year. You are a wonderful, wonderful person, so strong, and clear-sighted and good with figures. Although we have had our ups and downs, it is so important not to hold on to resentment if one is to grow. I feel very close to0 you now, both as a professional, and as a man.

With real love,

Bridget.

♥ "What's that strange smell? What in the name of arse is that?"

I followed his gaze. Christmas tree in truth did not look as good as remembered. Had chopped off top and tried to trim rest into traditional triangular shape but now, in middle of room, was tall thin shorn thing with blunt edges like every bad cheap pretend tree from discount store.

~~Bridget Jones The Edge of Reason by Helen Fielding.

I'm looking for any quotes concerning sleep or insomnia.Thanks!

And I come bearing a gift:

"So it all moves in the pageant toward the ending, it's own ending. Everywhere, imperceptibly or otherwise, things are passing, ending, going. And there will be other summers, other band concerts, but never this one, never again, never as now. Next year I will not be the self of this year now. And that is why I laugh at the transient, the ephemeral; laugh, while clutching, holding, tenderly, like a fool his toy, cracked glass, water through fingers. For all the writing, for all the invention of engines to express & convey & capture life, it is the living of it that is the gimmick. It goes by, and whatever dream you use to dope up the pains and hurts, it goes. Delude yourself about printed islands of permanence. You've only got so long to live. You're getting your dream. Things are working, blind forces, no personal spiritual beneficent ones except your own intelligence and the good will of a few other fools and fellow humans. So hit it while it's hot."
-----The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

"He wondered that graves ever made people consider life in vain. Somehow he could find nothing hopeless in having lived. All the broken columns and clasped hands and doves and angels meant romances. He fancied that in a hundred years he would like having young people speculate as to whether his eyes were brown or blue, and he hoped quite passionately that his grave would have about it an air of many, many years ago. It seemed strange that out of a row of Union soldiers two or three made him think of dead loves and dead lovers, when they were exactly like the rest, even to the yellowish moss."

I WANT Gary to fall into some kind of bottomless hole.
I WANT Claire to get her foot caught in a beartrap.
I WANT Claire's friends to die by flesh-eating tapeworms.

Then he stopped. His father had reminded him that the journal was for positive wants, not negative wants. When you wanted something negative, it didn't count, he said. A want should be positive, his father had said. A want should improve your life while improving the world, even if just a little bit.
So Max began again:

I WANT to get out of here.
I WANT to go to the moon or some other planet.
I WANT to find some unicorn DNA and then grow a bunch of them and teach them to stick their horns through Claire's friends.

THE WILD THINGS, by DAVE EGGERS

Mom,

The world is a little bit colder without you in it. I miss you.

x


---

Dear A

Thanks for the fantasies, but now please get out of my head! I am happily un-married but spoken for. So take a hike - I bet you're not all that in real life anyway.

Ta :-)

Dear Grandma,

Happy Christmas, where ever you are.
This celebration has simply not been the same since you died.
Many years have passed, but we all miss you at Christmas, your smile, your love and the special warmth you created for all of us in your home. We always felt special thanks to you. You have been a great woman in our lives. I hope you are having fun up there, throwing snowballs at friends and doing anything that people do when they pass away.

Lots of love.

XoXoXo

C.

Dear Livy,

You are my best friend in the entire world. When my mom told me she was pregnant you were the only person who understood why I was upset. You were always there for me when I needed you. You carried me through that time. You saved my life. If it weren't for you I probably wouldn't be here right now.

When I have great news you're the first person I call. When you're happy, I'm happy. For fifteen years now you've been my friend, confidante, and soul sister. You're my consiglieri. You're one of the only people in the world that I trust completely.

You were there for me when Greg treated me like crap. You were there for me when I almost failed math class. You were there for me when my parents argued or my brother was a jerk. You listen to my rants and you can always make me laugh when I'm sad. So here are some great memories that I've shared with you:

*Fighting over "Pat the Bunny" when we were babies
*Pretending our American Girl dolls were secret agents
*Watching "The Breakfast Club" at two A.M.
*Getting lost in the Metropolitan Museum of Art
*Doing your Joe Strummer imitation
*Singing the entire soundtrack of "Once More With Feeling" on the airplane to Ireland
*Getting buried under books at The Strand
*Almost getting run over by a hippy-cab in Chinatown
*Eating passionfruit gelato
*Talking about Paris
*Planning our world trip

You're my truest friend in the world, and I will always love you. You've carried me through my whole life, and I hope that I've carried you. You are my best friend. Merry Christmas.

Love,
N

Dear 'The Big Man',

In a word i want to say 'Thanks'.
I sometimes forget to say it. And sometimes all I do is ask for things.
Not everyone believes your there. And like me not everyone knows exactly what you are.
So thanks. Thanks for keeping my family healthy, helping me find someone (never thought this would happen), giving me motivation to be successful, being there, and thanks for giving me people that love me.

Much Love
xx

dear you,

you leave and come back and leave and come back and leave and come back.
each time i welcome you with open arms.
each time you remind me of why i love you without knowing.
each time you pretend nothing happened.
maybe it's just me, but it's hard to pretend nothing happen.
it's hard to pretend that you don't leave and come back multiple times a year.
it's hard to pretend that i don't love you, that i haven't loved you for three years.
it's hard to welcome you back everytime because i know you're going to leave again.
when you leave i always have to pick my pieces up and put my walls up
the minute you come back, i'm yours. i was yours three years ago, i'm still yours now.
i don't know if you know this. i don't want to bring it up because i don't want to make you leave.
i'm use to you leaving on your own.
i'm trying so hard for this, i want to be friends. if friendship is the only thing i am able
to get, i want it.
i love you and it scares me that no matter what i'm doing, no matter who i'm with.

i would drop everything for you.
this isn't going anywhere. i'm not going anywhere. i'll always be here
and you always seem to find me.

you're a priority and i'm an option.

always,
me.

"It's not that I literally think I’m a faerie. It's just that I feel so different from most people. And this idea of a race living underground in caverns, spending all their days dancing and playing the fiddle and eating flowers and reciting poetry and sharing their dreams, that to me sounds much more real that the way people live in this world, hating and fighting and wanting and hurting."

- Violet and Claire, by Francesca Lia Block

it's putting me in a funk, having you back in my life. I know that we promised eachother to be friends forever, but I also promised myself that I would kick you out of my life. I love you, you bastard. Why cant you understand that? I'm an adult, I'm perfectly capable of loving you. Stop seeing me like a child! I'm not a child, and I love you.

I don't see what's so much better about that stupid girl you're with. She has an annoying voice. I guess I can understand, so I take it back. She paid your phone bill after only a month of knowing you. Now you live with her, she buys your clothes, pays your phone bill, buys your cigarettes and weed, and feeds you. You've got a sugar mama. I can't be your sugar mama I guess...if that's what you want, you're where you need to be. But I still love you. I love you but I don't want to be your sugar mama. I don't want a child....a responsibility. You're more of her responsibility than her boyfriend, and you're not a catch at all.... Catching you on a fishing line is like trying to pull an anchor out of the sea.

Now you say she's the love of your life. THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? If the right thing for me to do is shut my mouth while i'm hurting... and let you be... then hon, I need you to let me be. I can't have you flaunting all that in front of me...I can't have you talking about how you're in love to me. I can't be your best friend anymore.

You know that song by usher.... "before anything that came between us.. you were like my best friend. The one I used to go and talk to when me & my girl were having problems. You used to say it would be alright, suggest some nice things I should do.. but at night when I go home and lay my head down all i used to think about was you!!!"

I used to hope that someday that song would be to me. You would dedicate it to me and we would just hold eachother and kiss. I'm not a cuddly person, and I don't like kissing, but for some reason I feel like all that would be different with you. You can love anyone you want...but that chemical attraction...baby that's not something to scoff at... that's not something you choose.

Anyway, now that for some reason, you came back into my life. And you only seem to want to see me when YOU call. You dont take me seriously when I call you...i'm not going to call you. and it's going to take me a while to decide weather I want to answer for you. I don't think its right......

HERE IS WHERE THE CONFUSION SETS IN THOUGH...Majorly split in half

You said I was like your little sister..... that made me melt. I'm an only child and i've ALWAYS wanted an older brother. You would be my perfect big brother... BUT WHY!!!!!!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO BE IN LOVE WITH YOU?? THIS SUCKS!!! If I ever officially called you my brother, marrying you would be out of the question. I would be voulentarily saying that I would never love you "like that"....and then after you break up with your 'sugar mama' I would still not have a chance, and you would go and find someone else. I don't know what to do..... screw you.